As told in the moment with revision

I’m currently sitting next to my love, Scott. We’re both working on our computers – I’m catching up on blog posts, he’s editing photos for real estate. It sounds boring but it’s actually moments like these that I love most. Quiet time together, interrupted every few minutes by little sweet kisses or whispered “I love you”s. It’s simple and sweet and the smell of him next to me calms my heart. I’ll look over at him every few seconds and just stare – how can I love someone so much? His hands! His legs! His eyelashes, lips, and the curve of his nose! My heart is filled with love as I write this and my goodness, it’s wonderful.


I’ve been in Idaho for a week now. This is where Scott’s been living and working for the past couple of months. It’s hard to be away from him – he’s my best friend, the one person that soothes my heart and makes me laugh every single day. He is so wonderful, like sunshine. He helps me make my dreams come true. And, it’d been way too long since we’d seen each other. So. Scott’s mom and I worked together to plan a surprise: I’d fly over to Idaho, and he’d have no clue. Luckily, that’s exactly what happened, thank goodness! (There were a few moments where Scott seemed suspicious, because he’s very sneaky and picks up on things, but his mom and I would text each-other & managed to keep it on the down low). It was Monday, March 23rd- I landed in Boise and was soon after waiting inside of the Smoky Mountain restaurant with his mom (Smoky Mountain is a restaurant that is special to Scott). My heart was racing and I was looking out the window to see when his car would drive into the lot. Scott was supposed to ‘meet his mom for lunch’…only I’d be there! A few minutes went by, and then… “Oh! there he is, there he is, there he is!!! That’s him!!!”- his car drove by. I saw his hands and his cute hair bun through the window. He walked through the door and to my surprise (because I was literally right in front of it) his gaze flew right past me – after, he said that he thought “oh that girl has stripes like Alex” but kept looking for his mom.He didn’t even think that it was a possibility that I would be there. But when he did eventually turn around, oh – it was the most wonderful moment. YOU GUYS! In that moment, nothing else existed. Scott stood there for a split-second, completely in awe and frozen. We embraced and oh my goodness, his skin was so warm and soft, like sweet honey or silk, melting into mine. Our faces were together bursting with love and smiles and my legs felt like they were floating. It was a feeling that I had never felt before. He is my sunshine and joy! Always better together.

Surprise for Scott at Smoky MountainSurprise for Scott at Smoky Mountain

Over the next few days, we spent as much time together as we could; working out, making meals, talking, enjoying each other’s presence but mostly, helping out at a festival called Tree Fort Music Fest which took place in downtown Boise. Because I surprised Scott completely, he had already signed up to help manage some of their venues- so, what can you do? I joined to tag along in hopes that I’d get to spend more time with Scott, even if it were in the midst of working. I really enjoyed seeing and discovering some cool new bands and musicians. Desert Noises was one of them; they had SO much energy paired with an innately cool vibe. I couldn’t keep my eyes off of them – they were so cool, and the team members complimented each other so well. The bassist was a tall, good-looking man with long hair and a goofy smile. He kept smiling, and I kept thinking “he must be Mormon. He’s got that glow”. The singer was a shorter man who had an incredible energy, incredible voice, and an incredible presence. He was bouncing everywhere & seemed to really put soul into every word that he sang. The guitarist was absolutely mind-blowing. So, so talented. He’d play solos that were on fire & made the crowd roar. IDK ( I don’t know). Obviously, I really liked them and maybe developed a sort-of-band-crush-whaaaa??? That never happens. Okay confession: they may or may not have walked into the bar I was volunteering at last night and I may or may not have had a slight freak out. Swoon. They introduced themselves to me! I played it cool, ya know, but ya know. I was freakin’ out a little. Just a little. (*updated confession: For the past two days, their album has been on blast repeat as I’ve been painting my room. Yep. Is this called having a ‘fangirl’ moment? – is that what they call it? It’s weird and it makes me feel like I’m 15 again.)

With Scott watching Desert Noises

Watching Desert Noises

Scott at the Thrift Store

Scott at the Thrift Store 2

—Scott being a goofball—

Sleeping angel!

Quiche that Scott's Mom made

The famous salad

— Spinach Arugula Ham Feta Blue Cheese Quinoa Lavender Olive Oil Balsamic Salad—

We ate this 4 days straight. It was the best.

Scott and I running

—We went running! It was so beautiful outside & felt nice to breathe fresh air & move the body. Then we did intervals – one person jump roping, the other using sliders. 1 minute each, then switch. Usually I’m always alone when I workout, but doing it together was so much more fun. See! We’ve been dating for almost two years, and still there are new adventures to be had! —

Bun Collage

—I wanted to do Scott’s bun and apaaaarently the first way wasn’t the right way. Haha—


On Friday, Scott’s mom, Anne, and I had a girl’s day (Scott was working, so it worked out perfectly). First, Anne wanted to show me some vintage stores that she’d thought I’d enjoy. Scott and I had previously tried to find some vintage/thrift stores, with no real luck. They were filled with old-new clothes, but not cool-old-old clothes. So when Anne brought me to these antique stores…hallelujah!!! It was a field of unlimited treasures. Untouched, unfiltered racks upon racks of vintage 1940,50,60,70’s clothing with accessories and jewels hiding in nooks of the stores. Fifteen-dollar Louis Vuitton leather purses and If you live in Los Angeles, you know how hard it is to find GOOD, inexpensive, beautiful vintage clothing (*updated realization: apparently, according to stylist Eva from a photo-shoot that I had two days ago, it’s not hard. Okay where have I been looking all my LA life???). People in LA make businesses off of thrift stores & re-selling vintage clothing; because of this, almost all of the goodies are taken (at least that’s what it feels like). Not here in Idaho, though. It isn’t really a trend to wear vintage clothing at all- yet. So…I dove in & tried on many things. I found a beautiful, summery housewife 1950’s looking dress that fit my waist and curves to a T. I found yellow & metal round clip-on earrings that could fill the place of my closed-up pierced ears. With these clothes on, I felt like a woman, like a rose. Delicate & yet powerful in my womanly ways. Can’t I dress every day like this? It’s much more charming than skinny jeans and a t-shirt. Anyhow- we then quickly rushed over to the nail salon to have our nails done. I got a deep, wine-red pedicure (because I was indecisive, and then remembered that if anything, copying my chic French grandma would save me from more contemplation or a horrible decision) and a quick cleanup of my nails- because OK, what’s with these past few photo-shoots gluing fake nails onto mine!? They looked absolutely ravaged and so, now they are pretty. Yay! After that, our last stop before visiting Scott at work was going by a jewelry shop in the small, tiny city of Star. Anne had a ring to pick up that she had gotten tightened. While we were there…we looked at rings! Yes, rings. Wedding rings. AH what! Yes. I didn’t find ‘the one’ but It was nice to try some on, to get a feel of what looks right on my hand. Did I figure it out? Not really, and i’m sure I drove the sales lady nuts. Me: “Something not too flashy or girly, modern, but classic, but clean, but not too modern, just clean. A diamond? Maybe, but maybe not” Haha. I still have no idea – I mean seriously, this is a ring that you have on you for the rest of your LIFE! How do people decide so quickly? The good news is that I know what I don’t like. The other good news is that Scott’s mom is really so sweet. I was lucky to have her helping and being there with me. (*update: I really feel grateful for the love and hospitality that Scott’s family shows towards me. I feel loved when I am around them, which is the most wonderful thing. And…it’s really important to me that there’s love! Love, because within my own family’s bonds of marriage, I haven’t seen much of it. I want to change that & create a family where there’s communication and kindness and openness. It’s something that really matters to me. Thank you Anne for this day!!!.)

With Anne finding Vintage

With Anne getting our nails done

On our last night together, I wanted to stay in, have a calm evening with Scott and watch a movie or something. I wanted to just be with him. So- while I baked some healthy protein not-so-yummy-tasting brownies (they were actually really nice the morning after), Scott put in a movie- “The Drummer” or something like that. It was a great movie! Mostly I was just happy to be in Scott’s arms. I felt like a baby, warm and safe. I had been really emotional that day (hormonal crazy) and Scott understood & responded with patience and love. How does he do it? Really though, how? Whenever I’m feeling down, he simply responds with love and makes me feel like I’m not crazy. He holds me and comforts me. So- we were watching the movie, and at some point I fell asleep (as usual), waking up to Scott gently lifting me off of he couch and carrying me to my room. I was still half asleep but with one hand he folded over the covers, laid me down, and tucked me in. I remember feeling so happy. He kissed my forehead and said “I love you, goodnight” and I melted into happy dreams and the best night’s sleep I’d had in days. Scott is so sweet.

Today Is my last day here. I leave today, at 5:45. Oh boy I’ve been a mix of emotions. I’m at once excited to get back to LA, my routines, my faster life. But I’m sad to leave Scott and I’m not exactly sure how I feel about it. I love him with my whole heart and yet part of me feels angry. But is it anger? Part of me wavers, freezes up, overcome by fear. Are we going to make it? How long will we be apart? Or is distance the way of the world (or God) saying “I’m separating you for a reason”. Or is God saying “Here. I’m making you two stronger” (*update: I choose to know, and believe, that it is the latter of the two). At times I am in faith and confident of the things that are on my plate and at times, I am paralyzed by fear because of the unknown and “what ifs”. That’s life though, and I know that if I were to just become stronger spiritually, go to the temple, read more, listen more, pray more, I’d be more at peace. Instead, I continue to sabotage myself by worrying. There’s nothing to worry about. All is good. When has God ever failed me? Even hard times were all there to help me become who I am. I do not regret one single thing. Trust.

I look over to Scott as I type this, and he smiles. He knows I’m looking at him. The corners of his eyes and lips wrinkle and his eyes shine like amber gems. He has the longest eyelashes. He looks older and yet his eyebrows are like a child’s somehow. They’re so sweet and pure, in shape and form. Dimples show on his cheeks as his smile grows and he reminds me that all is well; he is an angel. He is a light. I am so grateful that he is in my life. He sees me at my worst and at my best and chooses to love me through it all. Angel.

PS. I forgot to write about the time that we went mountain biking. I at first didn’t want to do it. I wanted to stay inside, close to Scott without anyone around us…I felt that we hadn’t spent enough personal time together somehow. I’ve had a lot of time to think on this trip and I’ve realized that one of my love languages is personal time. I need to have time to connect on an intimate level. I love being around others, but around others does not necessarily fulfill me and my need for interaction unless it is spent having deep conversation. I’d never thought about it so much – I was wondering “why do I feel this way? I’ve been with Scott for an entire week and yet I don’t feel like we’ve truly been together. But we have?”. We had, but it had primarily been around groups. No alone time. I need alone time. It was interesting to analyze myself in that way- because I’m a very independent person, I’m not needy at all, but maybe I am a very connected being. I need deeper interactions. ANYHOW Scott and I went mountain biking with the Kerr’s . The Kerr’s have known Scott for years- they love him so much. They are really wonderful people and are a joy to be around, and I am so glad that Scott has them while he’s out here in Idaho. They are super-sporty too, always going on adventures. Such as mountain biking. I had never been, but it was so much fun. Going over hills at high speeds felt like horse riding – you’ve got to feel the flow. Own the speed and jumps. The Kerrs and Scott also cheered me on as I was pedaling up the hills. In moments like those, I am always in awe of the kindness of others. The hearts of others. They remind me of what I can be.