Diary – It’s September Already!?
*Quick diary life update*
In between trips from NY to SF to Morocco, Scott and I have gotten engaged, found an apartment, moved in, and fallen even more in love than I/we could have ever imagined. I love this man. So, we’ve been planning a wedding for October (you guys, that’s in a month in a half. I know. It’s crazy, and it’s not. I’m so excited!) , working on the blog, working more in general, that’s about it. IT. A lot. But it. And I haven’t had a lot of time to write, but a good time is now. It’s quiet.
*warning* unintentional but welcomed gushing of Scott*
I’m a bad girl. Bad girl no – but I just finished off a box of ‘Oatmeal” squares for dinner (don’t judge, it was unfortunately barely sustainable and practically empty by my standards although the end result would have been the same even if it weren’t ha!) Today has been full of errands and I can’t seem to get myself cooking tonight. Plus, who’s with me to enjoy it? I’ve become used to having dinners with Scott, who’s currently in Utah playing a show at BYU. A friend commented on one of my instagram pictures and said that they were amazing. Which doesn’t surprise me, but makes me happy. I love having updates.
Where to start. Well, one of the last things that I managed to squeeze in today was cleaning our bedroom/closet area. What started off as lazy shuffles quickly turned into a long moment of zen-like folding and rearranging. I’ve heard more than a few ladies in my lifetime say things like “Oh, don’t start folding his laundry! Then he’ll never do it!” Which I find is a possibility, but Scott wasn’t there anyways – and besides – what if I like it? I’m not saying that I’ll always enjoying doing laundry- nor will I necessarily have to even do it- but I’m saying that I enjoyed taking care of his things, and mine. With every jean folded and button buttoned, I could feel my love for this man pulsing through my heart. I love him. Therefor I love his clothes, his little (not-so-little) shoes, socks, wrinkly shirts. For the first time I understand what my grandmother in France had always told me. She’d always say things like “you know Alex, life is beautiful. And It’s up to you to make a beautiful life, a beautiful home. And taking care of your husband is not a duty nor is it a chore. These days women are very hard and they don’t get it. It is a privilege, of huge importance, and an act of service and love.” Now I understand. This part of my day was actually maybe the best part. The most fulfilling.
On second note, there was something very odd and wonderful that also happened today. Everywhere I went – from castings in Hollywood, to my old bedroom, to my new bedroom, to the courtyard, in my car, I mean everywhere – I could smell both France and Scott. I’d stop and try to figure out where the smells were coming from, but they’d slide away. And then a few hours later it would happen again. It was bizarre because this hasn’t really happened in a long time. In fact I can’t even remember the last time that it had, but I prefer to ‘never say never’. Los Angeles does not smell like the South of France, like my grandma’s detergent, and Los Angeles doesn’t smell like Scott, and Scott was in Utah today. The only thing that I can think of is the fact that maybe the mind finds what it seeks. Say you’re looking for beauty – well, you’ll see it. And say, deep down I’m always looking for France because I miss it. And Scott, because I miss him too (yeah it’s only been a day, but a day too long!). Maybe it was some sort of ‘homeopathic’ mind trick – self inducing comfort for those two longings. Or maybe it was God. Or the world. Charming me, sending me little perfumed whiffs of things I hold closest to my heart. Little reminders. I needed them.
One last thing that made me happy.
Today there was a fairly big casting that I attended. The casting director put me in front of the camera and started asking a few questions. You know, typical questions – “What do you love to do?” blah blah. His last question caught me off guard because it was a deep one – he said “What can you not imagine living without?” I blurted out “my fiance” without thinking twice. I put my hands over my mouth, smiling and said “that was the first thing I thought of and it’s true! Ah!” And this moment made me happy because despite the superficial little world of what modeling and entertainment can sometimes be – that question and answer was not. A younger Alex probably would have said “fashion” or something like that. It used to be my world. I’m glad that it is now a part it. It is a puzzle piece. But it is not my world.